A client asked me recently what they should do about their stress. I replied, nothing! At first glance, that may sound flippant, but let me explain.
When someone is experiencing stress, they are processing a circumstance in their head which is causing them to feel stressed; but it’s all a matter of interpretation. Every circumstance or event, holds the possibility of feeling good or bad. Which way you feel is down to how you are thinking.
As Shakespeare said “There’s nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so” (Hamlet). Let’s look at things that can affect your thinking:
If I could banish any two words from your self-talk they would be should and but.
As soon as you tell yourself you should do something, you put yourself under pressure to do it. But pre-supposes that it’s difficult to do and justified your reasons (excuses) not to do it. So, change the way you talk to yourself. Notice the difference with these sentences:
Immediately, it sounds more promising and more likely that you’ll do it. Adding the word and makes it even better:
The most common thing I remind my clients is to stop telling themselves off. If you spoke to another person the way you speak to yourself, would that be ok? Probably not! Making a point of speaking kindly to yourself is the first step and it all begins with a bit of listening to how you talk to yourself.
‘How can you advise me to do nothing when I’m so stressed?’ I hear you say. It’s because you are so stressed that the last thing you need is something else added to your busy schedule!
Instead, doing nothing is a perfectly valid option especially when you can welcome thinking time into your life. Quiet time gives you the space to think things through, to work things out. A couple of minutes is a good start.
Here’s my favourite five doing nothing options that require very little effort:
Many of the things we get stressed about really are all in the mind. And before you hit the roof…
If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
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