Is this all there is? Can life really get better?
Care is required when talking to someone who’s in a pickle but, no matter how difficult it is, how your life is now is not all there is and yes it can get better.
The next question is How?
There are hundreds of blogs and videos telling you the mysteries of success – do this and you’ll be RICH they say. You can have it all – WEALTH, PROSPERITY, LOVE. If they’re more eco they’ll talk about being ABUNDANT which covers everything but tends to skirt around the fact you’re still unsatisfied!
But I’ve worked with people who’ve done all that and they’re still struggling. And there comes a time to ask the one question that will give you a clue as to what’s going on. And that is:
“What behaviour have you been doing that you know hasn’t been working for you?”
In fact, most people can tell me what they’ve been doing that’s kept them stuck in the situation. They’ll say things like ‘not speaking up’ or ‘avoiding conflict’ or ‘eating too much chocolate’ or ‘missing out on opportunities’; all of which are childhood imprints that we carry through to adulthood and are still acting out.
We acquire our imprints from age 0 to 6. They come from the five closest people to us at time; parents, teachers, mentors, siblings, family friends. Many of them are useful; boiling water is hot, cliffs are high, but if you heard your parents having a fierce argument over money, you might conclude all sorts of things; i.e. money’s spoils things, relationships are bad, money causes problems – remember, you’re only 6 years old. As an adult, all you know is that every time you get some money, you get an equally big bill!
These imprints can be big disrupters of mental health.
So, what can you do if you’re a Carer?
First thing is to see what imprints you absorbed when growing up that are anything to do with ‘doing your duty’ or ‘being responsible for others’ and check whether they’re still useful for you. If they are, and you feel empowered as a Carer. You don’t need to do anything. Sounds like you have good mental health.
But if you feel resentful or put upon as a Carer, you could usefully challenge the imprint and adopt a different belief.
Imprints are easy to change, but you need to know what they are. When you have a problem [it’s all down to me], you first need to identify the behaviour its causing [not seeking help from others]. Next you need to see if you can identify where it came from [constant praise for being the responsible one] and then remove it i.e. release it and put a new one that supports how your life is now or how you want it to be.
Personally, I use NLP and Time Line Therapy or the Spontaneous Transformation technique to do this. First, we identify the pattern of behaviour and then go through a process to remove it.
Carers need to support themselves as well as others.
Now that’s a useful imprint!
TO YOUR WELLBEING.
If you feel you might need some help to work through issues that are holding you back or if you need some support, then please do contact me:
Tel: 020 8213 5898
Mobile: 07836 386735