A worry for any parent is seeing their child struggling with confidence and self-esteem and forgetting how wonderful they really are. This Tip is a simple technique that you can use with your child to reinforce all their best qualities and help them feel really good about themselves.
LET’S GET STARTED
To give your child the best start, it’s really important that they’re certain about two things: They are valuable members of the human race with an important role to play. These come from their inner security, their self-esteem and what they believe about themselves.
Something that can damage their internal image is unguarded statements about them which they overhear and from which they then create an identity they believe is true for them – lazy, bad speller, hopeless at maths, no good at games etc!
Here’s a recent example: I was working with a young girl recently who had overheard another person identify her as ‘the fat one’ – and boy had it stuck! It wasn’t even said to her directly but it’s like her life was in tatters. She now saw herself as fat, believed that being fat stopped people seeing who she really was and was convinced that she no longer had a future. This was dangerous thinking, so I took her mother through a simple technique that made an enormous difference. And you can do this with your child too.
This technique uses the power of an overheard comment to drip-feed meaningful praise that will build your child’s confidence and self-esteem. You can use it at any age.
HOW DO I DO IT?
So, you’re having tea after school or college, or you’re out shopping, and your child is telling you all about something that happened that day. You might listen carefully and then [Noticing Out-Loud] you could say something like: You’ve always been good at knowing just the right thing to say.’
What you’ve just done is praise your child’s ability to think on their feet but it’s like you were talking to yourself and they overheard it. Kerching
Most children will brush off a compliment – especially from a parent – but affirming a behaviour in this way bypasses conscious resistance and goes straight in. That’s because:
Here’s another one: They tell you how they helped out a friend today by suggesting something else they could try. What could you Notice Out-Loud? How about: “You always have such good ideas”. Kerching
Suppose they tell you that it had been a bad day and they fell out with someone. What could you Notice Out-Loud? How about “Working out how and why it happened is a very mature thing to do.” Kerching
Get the idea? They key thing is that this isn’t a ‘conversation’ – it’s a ‘reflection’ that you’re not giving them the opportunity to deny. It all depends on what your child is telling you but if you’re really listening, there are always things you can Notice Out-Loud.
HOW DO I MAKE THIS MY OWN?
The most important thing is to keep your focus on good things your child does that they probably don’t even realise are quite special. And keep it casual. Here are some pointers to get you started:
Most important is to keep it simple. You could drop these comments into a lovely chat the two of you have every day and your child will start looking forward to having a conversation with you that makes them feel good about themselves. Kerching
WHAT IF I NEED MORE HELP?
If you are interested in finding an easier way to be a parent, why not contact me now to see how I can help.
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